Getting down to my CORE.

Bishop Jakes is preaching on TRANSFORMATION for the next 4 weeks, how to transform every aspect of yourself to be the best you that God has created you to be. His first sermon this past Sunday was the first and probably most important part of transforming yourself, getting to your CORE.

He gave some excellent illustrations I think is what they are called where he took a peeler and talked about its shape, and how it suggest what it was created to do. He then went to peeling the apple, peeling back the layers of stuff we throw on ourselves over the years, then he cut down the 'fleshly/fruit' part and last got to the core of the apple. He went on to talk about how the core is where your SEED is, how the seed is what grows. For instance you can throw down the peelings, the fruit/fleshly parts but until you throw down the seed it wont produce a apple tree. He said you can either cut down to the core or ROT down to the core, but one way or the other you have to get there.

Ya know how even as I write this I am always so confused on what my purpose is well he said that you have to get down to the core of who you are and there you will find out what you were created for. Until you do that he said you will always be frustrated and confused, that is so me. So he gave some clues on how to get down to it, here they are, word for word what he said in the sermon;

"Your core is in what you care about. What do you care the most about?"

"What in your life when you do it, get around it or are exposed to it produces passion?"

"What are you motivated to do, that you would do for free, its just your inclination to do it?"

"What are you concerned about? What gets on your nerves, what irritates you, what upsets you?"

"What can you not stand to see out of place or order?"

He says that "You are the most passionate to change the things you are the most concerned about?"

"You cannot change what your unconcerned about."

and lastly he says "In the core is where the seed is that made it work in the first place."

So those questions/clues seem pretty easy to be able to answer right? WRONG!! Not for me, I have now pondered on this for 3 days and still cant figure it out for myself. I know I have said it a million times but I don't understand how it can be so easy for some people to know their passion in life, its like they know without any doubt that "this" is what they want to do, be. It seems to me though that those people are only good at ONE thing, so duhh I guess it's a given. Then here I am. I am good at multiple things, painting, writing, hair, decorating, encouraging people etc. I am trying so incredibly hard for two years now to find my purpose so I can not be wasting my days as life flashes by. Trying to feel fulfilled as a person who loves the Lord and wants nothing else but to please Him and walk in the purpose that He created me for. Bishop says to "do you the best you know how" that there will never be another person just like you, that you are created for a distinct role to play in His plan and when you get the understanding of what that role is and get down to your core you can be 100% effective in all you do. Because you will be doing what you were put on this earth to do. I JUST WANT TO BE EFFECTIVE!! I am sooo incredibly exhausted from trying to figure out me, who I am, what I am suppose to be doing, my purpose.


....I get I am a wife, I get I am a mother. But I can assure you I am sooooo much more than that and thats not where I want my life to end or settle at. I am a person too, I deserve to find the one thing that is mine, that makes me happy as an individual. More power to all you who know that's all you want and desire in life but its not mine. I know God has created me for much more. If that was all I was meant to do then I wouldn't always feel like the need to search for things to make me whole.