Two Months!!

Malachi & Elijah are now two and a half months old! Time is definitely flying by. They are cooing and smiling so much now. They are sleeping so good now!! Which makes me very happy. For the most part they get up once a night, and that I think is only because they are going to sleep anywhere from 8-9:30pm and then are hungry around 3-4am. So starting three months we are going to start a nighttime routine, try and establish some consistency for them and us. I am also thinking about instead of starting the routine around 7 and putting them down at 8, to start at 8 bathe, feed, read, pray and then lay them down closer to ten. That way I'm hoping they sleep till 7am instead. That's what I would like anyways :)

Malachi started rocking on his stomach and rolling over from stomach to back last week!! Which was super exciting for us. Elijah isn't far behind, he just doesn't like tummy time as much as Malachi. He seems to fuss when put on his tummy. It seems they have issues with cradle cap, its on their faces as well as their heads. And of course it never looks as bad until we are out in public!!

They had their two month vaccines two weeks ago :( that was sad for me. I hated seeing them cry like that!! Makes you sick to your stomach. They were fine though after two minutes, until about four hours later they were both asleep when Malachi woke up and was screaming uncontrollably. Nothing could calm him down, and it seemed as if you even barely touched him he screamed out of pain. So after a frantic call to the pediatrician we gave them both Tylenol and they both went back to sleep and woke up like happy babies a few hours later. Oh my it was scary for me not knowing what to expect. I now know that can be very common, doesn't make you feel any better about it though.

Now on to the greatest thing in this post! God gave us a place to call home for at least the next year. We will be moving back into a condo/apartment this weekend yay!!! I can't wait to give the boys their own bright nursery. I can't wait to use my new dishes!! To set all my stuff up and have everything out accessible!! I have honestly lived out of clothes baskets for one month short of a year! Now tell me I'm high maintenance and spoiled! I dare you. I'm just ready to grow and become our own little family with our own things that we do as a family. Ya know?! So I am so so so very thankful and blessed. I have been 90% of the time patiently waiting on God to show us where we were suppose to go and He has so I know this is exactly where we are suppose to be!! Knowing that you know is such a good feeling. And God is soo good!! I am forever grateful for my momma and todd as well, for always taking us in and helping and being a blessing. For being a blessing to others and to us God will always bless you 10 fold. So I know he will bless them with their hearts desires And be good to them.

So to our new season we will continue to wait on God and thank Him for all He has done and is going to do. I also feel like He is going to provide a new vehicle for us soon. Because he knows its not a selfish want, not selfish desire but a need for these babies and for us. He gave us two babies He will provide and He'll give us what we need to take care of these two babies. The difference between wanting a new car out of selfishness and not depending on God is simple. My attitude is not I want this this and this and it has to be brand new. It's okay God I know you know what we need and I know your going to provide the perfect car for us. And when it happens it will be what I wanted because my hearts desires are lined up with what Gods desires for my life are. He will give us safe, affordable and nice. He wants his children to have nice things. So I am praying for that next step in getting settled as a family :)

9 weeks POSTPARTUM update

I'm still alive I promise.... its just that ugh twin motherhood takes quite a bit of your time up ;) But I'm back for the moment, the boys are laying beside me here on the bed sleeping!! Well Malachi is out and yes his tongue is stuck out between his lips ha. Elijah on the otherhand is semi unconscious well you know what I mean, look at him one second he's hardcore out, turn back around and look again he's throwing hands in the air groaning and sucking his paci as if he hasn't ate in days....then it gradually falls out as he slips back into his DEEP SLEEP!!!!! the one I beg for at least three hours everyday!!

So lets discuss ME! yes ME! why ME? umm.... because I want to! :)

I'm going to be very honest and open, 1. I feel thats the best way to be some times and 2. I don't want to sugar coat motherhood or any part of pregnancy-motherhood.

First up is my postpartum status update! Its now been exactly 9 weeks and two days since I pushed out two small beings. Mind and emotional wise I am doing lovely!! Prayer and lots of prayer helps and understanding what the 'baby blues' are is key. I rarely rarely have anxiety issues anymore thank God, I am no longer a crying mess. HALLELUJAH!!

lets just get to it.... the dreaded PHYSICAL part of this adventure... Dun Dunn Dunn... AGHHH!!

haha just kidding, well not really! lets talk weight -ugh- I am currently still 10lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight :( BOO! but  I am not going to lie I have not tried to lose it yet so it's not like I cant get it off. I complain about it as if it just wont come off. I know your probably thinking I'm being lazy well maybe your not thinking that because if you were YOU ARE DUMB! I have TWINS I CANT BE LAZY EVEN IF I WANTED TO!! to be honest because my delivery was so traumatic from pushing two babies out with the help of vacuum AND forceps and ripping to a 3rd degree like I've mentioned in prior post, it came with its on complications!
I never had an episiotomy which you think would have been a no brainer in my situation but I guess the STUDENTS working on me didn't know how or think to do it. Resulting in a STUDENT being told how to sew me back together as I lay there in agony feeling every suture, that left me looking like a two year old zigzagged me back together. Not only was I now zigzagged which meant I had gaps in between she didn't sew up far enough. I could see things you shouldn't see. As everybody told me to wait it heals up and it's not going to look like it did prior to birth I knew something was wrong. Well my OBGYN that I wished I got to deliver with confirmed my feelings at my PP checkup. His exact words trying to be nice were ''yeah, they could have done a much better job. There are gaps and this should be sewn together here". So we scheduled for a perineum revision surgery! That my friends happened 7 hours ago! I was terrified all I could think of was bleeding like I did the first time, I couldn't grasp that that came from my uterus not the stitches and all the pain, yet again came from the pushing of babies. I have had one Vicodin and don't feel loopy just content. I'm not in pain, I'm not bleeding like a wounded animal. It doesn't feel good obviously but I can handle this. So my lovely Dr. said I would love the way it looked now and I feel a little more pretty now. So in another 2-4 weeks I should relatively be healed up and back to normal.

THAT BRINGS US TO subject #2...
MY WEIGHT!!

I can then start to diet (Weight Watchers) and workout as well. That is why I haven't dieted yet. My stomach actually looks pretty good but of course I have a flabby belly still but its not bad in comparison to OTHERS. Now I can say that on here but in my head ITS GROSS!! anyways I said that to get to this,, I was scared to lose weight without being able to tone at the same time in fear of it getting flabbier!! So now my deadline has been pushed back to May versus April for getting back into a bikini! YES I WANT TO WEAR A BIKINI THIS SUMMER! yes I got stretch marks, and yes they are still fading, yes some people thinks its nasty to show them I say ____________________________ fill in the blank with anything mean haha. They will not define me, there not bad and they are a result of  TWO beautiful little boys that I gave life to so I will wear them proudly(AS LONG AS IM SKINNY THOUGH- otherwise EW!)
So yay ME~ I'm almost completely back to myself!!! I am happy, I am blessed beyond measure, I am loved, I love, I am so so thankful and grateful. I am well..... ME!

Another child born into this world out of selfish desire.

Is it wrong of me that Kim Kardashian announcing she's pregnant makes me so furious?! Being a new mom myself now and knowing what it takes to do so makes me mad that she's using this as another opportunity to make money. Being a mom is hard work and a full time job, not something you just do because it sounds good. Okay so you will get your millions and having another reality show for 9months then some magazine will pay you more millions to take photos of the baby... Then what? You have a full time nanny to raise your child unless there's more opportunities to show off at a event that your some great mother And know your child when you spend maybe 4-6 hours a day with them. This makes me so angry!!!

Let's milk it for all its worth. Lets tell all the magazines how hard it is being pregnant and how your this and that. Save it Kim, hopefully all the moms out there will boycott her finally and say we've had enough. Maybe then she will disappear back into society as a normal average person. Which is what she is to start with. I mean who can be happy about there celebrity status when it's only because you slept around And sold it that your even famous.

Ughhh!! Not to mention I wonder how Khloe feels? She did it right got married, Appears to have a great marriage and can't get pregnant for wherever the reasons may be. Knowing she would be a great mom I think and Lamar a great dAd.

I don't know maybe I'm being silly. I just know that being a mother is a commitment a big one. I got two to raise at the same time so one should be a breeze but its still hard work. It's not a rash decision to be made. It changes your body in ways you never thought possible, your thinking and emotions will never be the same either. It's not about YOU anymore it's about this bundle of joy or in my case two bundles that are helpless and need you to tend to there every need. It never stops. There's so much that nobody warns you about so for her to selfishly do this knowing they probably won't even be together much longer after that baby is born makes me ill. So here's to that poor baby, yes you will be handed everything that money can buy but the important life altering things that it can't buy you will probably never know.