9 weeks POSTPARTUM update

I'm still alive I promise.... its just that ugh twin motherhood takes quite a bit of your time up ;) But I'm back for the moment, the boys are laying beside me here on the bed sleeping!! Well Malachi is out and yes his tongue is stuck out between his lips ha. Elijah on the otherhand is semi unconscious well you know what I mean, look at him one second he's hardcore out, turn back around and look again he's throwing hands in the air groaning and sucking his paci as if he hasn't ate in days....then it gradually falls out as he slips back into his DEEP SLEEP!!!!! the one I beg for at least three hours everyday!!

So lets discuss ME! yes ME! why ME? umm.... because I want to! :)

I'm going to be very honest and open, 1. I feel thats the best way to be some times and 2. I don't want to sugar coat motherhood or any part of pregnancy-motherhood.

First up is my postpartum status update! Its now been exactly 9 weeks and two days since I pushed out two small beings. Mind and emotional wise I am doing lovely!! Prayer and lots of prayer helps and understanding what the 'baby blues' are is key. I rarely rarely have anxiety issues anymore thank God, I am no longer a crying mess. HALLELUJAH!!

lets just get to it.... the dreaded PHYSICAL part of this adventure... Dun Dunn Dunn... AGHHH!!

haha just kidding, well not really! lets talk weight -ugh- I am currently still 10lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight :( BOO! but  I am not going to lie I have not tried to lose it yet so it's not like I cant get it off. I complain about it as if it just wont come off. I know your probably thinking I'm being lazy well maybe your not thinking that because if you were YOU ARE DUMB! I have TWINS I CANT BE LAZY EVEN IF I WANTED TO!! to be honest because my delivery was so traumatic from pushing two babies out with the help of vacuum AND forceps and ripping to a 3rd degree like I've mentioned in prior post, it came with its on complications!
I never had an episiotomy which you think would have been a no brainer in my situation but I guess the STUDENTS working on me didn't know how or think to do it. Resulting in a STUDENT being told how to sew me back together as I lay there in agony feeling every suture, that left me looking like a two year old zigzagged me back together. Not only was I now zigzagged which meant I had gaps in between she didn't sew up far enough. I could see things you shouldn't see. As everybody told me to wait it heals up and it's not going to look like it did prior to birth I knew something was wrong. Well my OBGYN that I wished I got to deliver with confirmed my feelings at my PP checkup. His exact words trying to be nice were ''yeah, they could have done a much better job. There are gaps and this should be sewn together here". So we scheduled for a perineum revision surgery! That my friends happened 7 hours ago! I was terrified all I could think of was bleeding like I did the first time, I couldn't grasp that that came from my uterus not the stitches and all the pain, yet again came from the pushing of babies. I have had one Vicodin and don't feel loopy just content. I'm not in pain, I'm not bleeding like a wounded animal. It doesn't feel good obviously but I can handle this. So my lovely Dr. said I would love the way it looked now and I feel a little more pretty now. So in another 2-4 weeks I should relatively be healed up and back to normal.

THAT BRINGS US TO subject #2...
MY WEIGHT!!

I can then start to diet (Weight Watchers) and workout as well. That is why I haven't dieted yet. My stomach actually looks pretty good but of course I have a flabby belly still but its not bad in comparison to OTHERS. Now I can say that on here but in my head ITS GROSS!! anyways I said that to get to this,, I was scared to lose weight without being able to tone at the same time in fear of it getting flabbier!! So now my deadline has been pushed back to May versus April for getting back into a bikini! YES I WANT TO WEAR A BIKINI THIS SUMMER! yes I got stretch marks, and yes they are still fading, yes some people thinks its nasty to show them I say ____________________________ fill in the blank with anything mean haha. They will not define me, there not bad and they are a result of  TWO beautiful little boys that I gave life to so I will wear them proudly(AS LONG AS IM SKINNY THOUGH- otherwise EW!)
So yay ME~ I'm almost completely back to myself!!! I am happy, I am blessed beyond measure, I am loved, I love, I am so so thankful and grateful. I am well..... ME!