This is the hardest thing I've had to do, raising to babies is extremely tough work. I'm trying to see what God must see in me that He knew I could handle two at once. But I'm not seeing it yet. I'm so exhausted, not to mention my body is still healing from the damage they did. I don't even have energy to do anything around the house from being up down wide awake all day and all night, literally all night. They seem to be so restless at night, you can rock em, pat em, walk with em, bounce em put them in the swing and they still fussing. Then by the time they f quit resisting sleep an hour or two have gone by and then the other one is awake and ready to eat or peed thru his diaper and is crying.
It never stops. Then when I get flustered because nothing consoles them I get upset because I'm so tired and just want to close my eyes. Then I feel horrible for being frustrated because its not like they know what their doing, their helpless little beings that I created and carried and brought into this world and how could you be frustrated when you look into those big dark grey/ blue eyes. It's such a roller coaster of feelings everyday!
I would just like to escape for one whole day and sleep in a pitch dark room somewhere and not be disturbed. Sad part is its only been three weeks, I have another lifetime of lack of sleep:( I just feel like if I could refuel I'd be a better person in general and physically my body would feel better.
No comments:
Post a Comment