I think the older I get the less christmas feels like Christmas! Maybe it's because life is so busy, maybe it's because it's not just me, my mommy and dad anymore, maybe it's because there's no more traditions. One it's different when you've moved and all your family lives 8 hours away. There's no going to mama & papa house (grandparents) cousins are all grown and doing there own things, not to mention were that family like most who can't really all be together for too long without someone fighting with the other. I don't know but it's just different when you start getting older. It's no longer about the gifts, the songs, the movies, the snow or lack of here, nor the lights. Yes ultimately it's about Jesus but now it's more about spending time with the people who matter most.
I've noticed that realizing this has really been a big deal this year with this 'season' I talked about that we're going through. It has made it to where gifts weren't an option this year if I am going to be pure and honest. My mother insisted the boys needed something from us so she made it possible but this year God has really let me see what it means to be humble. To see what it's like not having all the things I'm use to having. To have to 'make do' with things. I'm not okay with it in the sense I want to stay here but I'm okay with the lessons learned like I've talked about in the last one. I'm so so thankful this year for so incredibly much even though it's the least I've ever had. That to me is the greatest thing to be able to say that and mean it with every ounce of my being. I've now learned and just gotten to the point when I start to get stressed about what I don't have I automatically like clockwork start thanking God for the things I still do have. I may not have clothes in my closet that are new or even really fit the proper way but Jesus thank you that I have something to put on everyday. I may not have the means to go buy the things I'd like to have in this house but thank you Lord that we have a HOUSE now. I may need more room in our vehicle but God I want to thank you that you made a way to give us the car we have and it had more than what we were even looking for in it. Jesus I may not be able to go to work everyday and we may sacrifice 80% of things were use to but thank you that I get to watch my boys grow up right before my eyes every single day and see what you have placed in them come to life. My family is healthy even though I complain about my body, I am thankful that it works and is whole. I am so thankful for every tiny thing these days, that I know this Christmas I have more than even the people I see with a hundred gifts under their trees have. By no means do having gifts mean anything bad obviously if we could we would have more under ours as well but I don't think you will ever truly appreciate something until you dont have it or can't do it.
Now this is personal preference don't go getting all upset if you don't agree and by no means am I trying to talk about someone specific 'behind the lines' or whatever that saying is. Just us personally it is so important to me really that our boys are grateful for everything they are ever given in life. I do not want them growing up in this world thinking someone owes them something. You work for what you have. Life doesn't just hand you things, with that being said I don't want the boys expecting hundreds of dollars worth of gifts or a certain number for their birthdays and Christmas. I want them to be thankful for one the same way they would be with ten. I'm all about spoiling them hello I am an only child, but I also was and have always been grateful. I want to make sure they turn out the same way. I want to teach them to give their old toys away to kids who can't get new ones or even take those same kids some new ones, I want them to want to help the needy, to see that no matter where you've been it can all be taken from you and then what are you truly left with?
Everyone has ways seen me as materialistic and I hate that people judge me and put me into a category altogether. There's so much more to me than what I have, but because I like to make myself look a certain way or I strive to have the best that I can have they only see what they want to see. They don't see that I believe in acting like what your expecting God for, or looking the part of what your waiting on. That I want to be around people who are where I'm trying to go not where I am or have been. I carry myself a certain way because of where my focus lies. I expect God for greater things, I expect to be the one lending to others and never borrowing again. I expect to be debt free. I expect to have the windows of heaven pour down a blessing I can't contain. Not because I'm greedy, not because money is everything but because he says I am the head and not the tail, that he is my Shepard and I shall not want anything, that he supply's all my needs, that he is my provider and protector. That He is my father and my friend, that my steps are ordered, that he has a plan for me to prosper, that my house should be filled with wealth and riches. I also know just like in this season of lack that even now I will praise Him and worship Him because of who He is not what I have. My heart is pure. My intentions are pure and my desire is to do His will, so this Christmas I thank God I have a sound mind, that I have a job, that I know my gifts and talents, that I know who I am, that no one can change me or shake me, that I am a wonderful mother, a loving daughter and a ever improving wife and a friend who will be loyal and honest. I thank Him that in a few hours when my boys wake up I will say Merry Christmas and look at the two greatest gifts I could have ever been given and that is more than enough for me. I hope each and everyone of you who read this have a warm, memory filled day, that you take in every moment and not let it pass you by, that you see the goodness in everything you do or say. I am excited to capture more moments tomorrow that will only happen once and if your too busy complaining about what you don't have you will miss them. So be present.
Merry Christmas :)
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