This post is going to be challenging for me to get across what I want to you. I have trouble seeing things and being able to get you to see it how I am. Does that even make sense? Hopefully!! So hang in there and good luck :)
So in our neighborhood there are only four streets off the main road, okay technically three because the end ones just connect and make a loop. Pointless info right? well not really I want you to kinda envision if possible my neighborhood. Okay, so we live currently on the corner of the second one of these main streets, now if I walk out my door and stand in that road and look to my right to the end of the road I can see where we use to live.
Now that might seem like I just wasted your time, maybe I did, but your also thinking, okay so you like that neighborhood. Yes, your right and that's all I ever thought too, until one day recently I looked down the road at that apartment and had this mind blowing revelation. Actually I don't know if that is what it would be called but just listen... well read I mean,
I can stand outside my house and look back at my past, and little did I know then I was standing outside looking at my future.
In that apartment so many things have happened, if only the walls could talk. We were living there when I decided I didn't want to be married anymore and decided to leave. In that apartment he fell into the things of the world. In that apartment we changed, we were no longer the people we had been prior to living there. In that apartment we cried, I broke things, others took over things, some stole things. In that apartment more bad than good happened. But in that apartment we also made things (Chi & Eli), In that apartment our marriage was restored. In that apartment we realized we were meant to be. In that apartment we realized nothing could keep us apart. In that apartment we knew God had a plan much bigger than ours, that we could be one signature away from a divorce and it all be put back together in the blink of an eye.
I know that still doesn't do it justice because it's this crazy thing to me that every day I can look at how far God has brought me, and us. To see where I was and where I am. Who I was and who I am. I can see vividly the memories in my head of everything that happened in that place. I can feel what I felt then when I think about it. All those emotions. It's so amazing to me, I don't even think Travis gets it like I do. Maybe it's Gods way of showing me He really does work everything for my good. That what the enemy meant for evil He turned around and made it work on my behalf. Every time I look at that place I feel something. I see something. Man I really wish I could make you see it like I do. How incredible I think it is, I can never lose sight or forget. All I have to do in time of doubt, in time of need, in time of desperation, in time of loneliness is just step outside and look down the road. He is such a good God. I fail Him daily yet He still loves me, I miss the mark often yet He gives me another chance. I don't know maybe it only hits me the way it does because of what I've gone through but regardless of if you can visually see your past or not we all can see where He has brought us from. So take time after reading this to reflect on it, give Him some praise for it. He didn't have to help you but He did and He does. He is a loving God, a just God. I hope you feel like you didn't waste your time on this one, I just really wanted to share what I am going through and thinking as always.
Side note: Thank you for the ones who actually read my stuff and all the positive and encouraging (#klove hahaha) things you say about it and me. It really shocks me that people who I would think are the least interested in me read what I write. My reason for writing publicly is not to voice my opinion or talk about people without saying there name, its about being able to connect with someone and hoping something I say makes a difference in their life. I like to be honest and transparent in my writing because that's just who I am. I think that's what people are looking for these days too, is someone who is real. There is enough fake people, people who make it seem like they always have it altogether when in reality they don't. You don't help or inspire people when you do that. Also I know I'm horrible at grammar (Travis lets me know all about it) so I apologize in advance for that... So THANK YOU GUYS!!!!
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