Today has been such a long day! It felt like it was 10am for hours... I just have a lot going on in this head of mine, so many thoughts, opinions, questions. I just feel like I could bust, I'm still trying to find where I can squeeze some money from different areas of our finances to go see a therapist/shrink/counselor whatever you would like to call it. I've always wanted to do that and really believe it does a world of good to just let it all out to someone who has no preconceived idea of what your talking about and the people in your life. Call me crazy I don't really care. I know it would be so beneficial for me.
I don't like being snappy or short. Some might would say demanding...haha (it's really not funny). I don't like feeling like it's all too much and letting it build up, I like to get things out of my head and off of my chest. It's refreshing and makes me feel so much lighter. But sometimes it just doesn't happen like that and days go by and it builds and builds. Then I end up here, my escape from reality. Where I take in the beauty of Gods work, where I sit and think, talk to Him, or in this case write. No other place makes me feel like the beach does. I am so thankful we moved here sixteen years ago. I don't ever see myself leaving.
I've got some great adventures ahead of me, some amazing doors are opening for me to walk thru. I am pretty excited for all of it, seeing Gods hand in every bit of it. Seeing more things that have been spoken over me (prophesied to me) come to pass. Knowing it's where I am suppose to be, even though I've been feeling a little lost again lately. It gives me hope that I'm doing something right. It's all the opportunities to do the things I've talked about and dreamed of the past few years. What's really cool to me is that I haven't intentionally helped or made these things happen they literally have been dropped in my lap and I've been asked to do them. That's how I know it's all God. He really will give you the desires of your heart, when the desires are in line with what He wants you to do and fulfilling your purpose here on earth. So Pastor has been really drilling 'Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world' & 'if God is for you than who can be against you' in his sermons lately. It's what I keep thinking about and it's the truth. That was kinda random I know, but I guess it needed to make its way in here for someone else to read!
I just don't know how people live and make it thru everyday that don't believe in Jesus, that don't talk to God. When things go wrong who do you turn to? When they go crazy right who do you give praise to? When your lonely who do you lean on? When you can't tell anyone else 'that one thing' what do you do? I can't live without Him. He is why I live, He created my very being, knows how many hairs are on my head. Knows how many freckles are on my nose. Knows my heart when no one else can seem to understand it. My thoughts when others think they should be different. The voids that I can't seem to fill, the happiness and joy. He knows every single thing about me. He knows why he made me this way, why my body is shaped like this, why I over think things, why I have too high of standards for others. It just amazes me that people don't believe.
Well my phones on 20% and I forgot my charger so I guess that ends this little soul bearing session tonight. Sweet dreams loves.
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