Sleep... I forgot what that was

I have this issue where I feel like I need to take in every single moment with the boys. So I don't miss anything that I can control. If I miss something while at work that's a different story. I guess I just never want to say 'I wish I would have paid more Attention or played with them instead of napping or cleaning house or being too tired.' I am so incredibly tired its not even explainable but that's just part of being a twin mommy. I mean their sleep is horrible at night these days and during the day I need to workout while they nap what little they do. Some say well have your husband watch them while you take a nap. That is a joke, I can't sleep if I know they are around, it feels wrong. If I hear them fuss or cry I feel like I have to be the one to get whatever it is taken care of. Not that he couldn't handle it but its just not the way I would or as quickly as I could have done. So there is no time for sleep. 

Although my body I think is starting to show signs of exhaustion. I have no appetite some days and then some days I feel as if I'm starving. My stomach gives me pains and cramps some days, I get headaches, and I try to catch myself and not be mean or moody. I know its not anyone's fault it's just this phase of 'twinhood' as I call it. I've never begged God for something so much before as I do rest. I don't ask for sleep anymore just rest. I know I'm capable of doing this and stronger than I know or else He wouldn't have given me these two bundles of goodness. I just never knew how much one takes sleep for granited till now... 

Some sunshine finally!

7 and a half months and I'm finally starting to feel good about myself again. I've been working out for the past 4 weeks and even tho I may not be down pounds every week I still feel better. My arms have more muscle than they've ever had before, I can actually do a good 10 push ups without shaking. That might not sound like much to some but to me its a big deal. I am now hoping to have a little muscle not just be thinner. I like the idea of looking a little strong. 

This may be a bit of information that's too much but its my blog so oh well but for the first time I have looked at my butt and not been upset about how 'not gorgeous' it is. That also is a huge deal to me. I'm pretty sure I can stick to this now it took some bridges to cross but I think I'm mentally there to stay now. It's so important to me to be as healthy as I can for my boys. I've got to be able to do without feeling down about myself, I don't want them to ever pick up on that. So I'm just really praying and trying to be the best wife and mother inside and out I can be!! 

My goal weight is 120. I am currently at 134 so I have a good bit to go but I think now with muscle I may not worry so much about the numbers and more on how I feel and look but I keep saying the numbers to keep me going. I'm aware that 120 pre pregnancy and 120 post are two totally different things so we shall see as I creep closer... :) 

Ps. I stopped taking the phen after 5 days I just didn't like what it was doing to me. I had lost two pounds on it and have kept it off so I am thankful just to have gotten past that 135 mark! But now its time to do it the healthy smart way.!