Limited Compassion??

I've asked God today why He gave me the heart He did. I'm still waiting for an answer, Because there seems to be at times throughout my life when it has not made sense to others. I feel as though I'm pretty compassionate towards others. I really always have been. Including with Travis, he's had quite a few times of needing saving and not just Jesus. I've been there, I've been that person for him. He will tell you the same if you can get him to be serious and open up. He's even had Words spoken over him that if it wasn't for me at those moments in his life he could have easily died. That's what the Devil is always trying to do to us, take us out. 

Yes ultimately Travis ended up being my husband but before that he was just my friend, a friend who I wanted to see for himself what I saw in him. I've always been the girl who had more guy friends than girls. No it's not because they thought I was pretty. I havent always looked like I do now. But because I was real, honest, wasn't trying to always be something I wasn't. I was no drama. I also have more male cousins than females so I've always been surrounded by the opposite sex. Many of whom have had or are currently addicted to something. 

I don't know addiction personally, but I know how it affects my family. The ones closes to you hurt the worse. I also know how easy it is to want to just give up hope for the one addicted. I've struggled with that my whole life. I have always been the one who hasn't tried anything, no cigarettes, nothing. Alcohol a few times but I just don't like the taste at all so it's not for me. It's really hard for me to try and understand why people do it, why does it not scare them, why when you know the pain it causes to the ones you love. No one can ever answer that for me. What makes you try it the first time? Because everyone else is doing it? That's stupid. Peer pressure has never been a problem for me. So that's a horrible excuse to tell me. If you just wanted to because you like the way it makes you feel then just say that. Until your honest and take responsibility there's no hope for getting away from it. 

My whole teenage and older life has been filled with getting invested in people who I cared about and being let down when it came to this struggle. So naturally I had gotten to the point where I had hardened my heart towards people who abused drugs. I had no sympathy or concern for them, because it's never shown to make a difference when I would. If anything I was the one left getting hurt by friends. So I literally would be the first to just walk away and say oh well, you got yourself in this mess, now get yourself out. Knowing it would never happen. I didn't want to hear any excuses, I never believed them when they would say I want to change, I'm going to change. To me until I saw the change and it last longer than a year it was a waste of mine and your time. But then Brunswick Christian Recovery Center started coming to our church. 

They would give their testimonies and some you could tell we're just going through the motions to escape whatever it was they could by coming there, but others were real, raw and honest. You could sense it, the pain, the struggle, the hurt that ultimately pushed them into the wrong direction. That's when I noticed I started to feel different toward them. When I realized that by the grace of God I wasn't dealt the hand they were, having to figure out how to cope when your mother has died at a young age. When your parents are strung out your whole childhood, when you've been abused in all ways. I started to feel that compassion come back. I started seeing BCRC and others in a different light. Knowing that anyone could fall into their shoes and not seeing myself better than them. Now I just want to be that positive voice in their ear not another condemning one or negative one. They've got plenty of those. Because I am on the outside I can be honest and not sugar coat things. Because I am married it's not like I'm just saying these things to be cute. I'm off limits in that sense so I hope it comes thru that I genuinely care and just wish they could see what we all see.

But then you have this problem where your told to be compassionate but don't be too compassionate. How is that even possible, either you are or you aren't. You can't set limits on it. So my question to God today was why? If everyone has a negative thing to say about my heart towards others because they happen to be the opposite sex then why God did you make me this way. Apparently in everyone else's mind I shouldn't care. If it's not Travis I shouldn't care. Travis can care but I can't. So I've been pretty discouraged lately with this. Travis and I have had this conversation multiple times now and he is with me on this. Because he knows the times he needed me, he's knows I was that tough love. I'm just trying to help people, make them feel like they are still someone worth being around when others have given up. Obviously I've been given this heart for a reason so I am sorry if you have an opinion about It or my actions. God knows the heart he gave me and my intentions in life. So now if you don't mind, I'm going to continue being me.