Hahaha
So yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with some of my favorite people the Cooke's! Absolutely love them! They are the realist, funniest, kindest people I know! We decided to do a fun New Year's Eve kind of theme photoshoot after church. One for fun and two so Katie could play around with her new camera she had gotten for Christmas. So everyone who actually knows me (not the ones who think they do) know that I HATE being center of attention. Like, let me curl up and hide. But I've done fun little photoshoots like this three times now that's it, but that's a lot for me haha. Each time it's still super awkward for me, I am not even close to model material and never have claimed to be. As awkward as it is each time it's still so much fun, it pushes me out of my comfort zone and that is always needed in life if you want to grow. The funniest part for me is thinking your looking like the top contestant in Americas next top model only to see the pictures later and laugh because you so weren't even close!! Your trying to 'smize' and really it just looks like your squinting or angry hahaha. Needless to say I will stick to my full time job as mommy not model!!
I know that we are our own worst critics, I also know that apparently what I see is not what everyone else sees! However with that being said what I see in the mirror is NOT what the camera shows.. Ahh!! Yes, as soon as you try to talk about what you don't like about yourself people act like they have to tell you the opposite. As if your not allowed to just be honest and realize what needs some work. After seeing the pictures yesterday many of them were really great but many of them were like 'ok girl, it's time to get serious'. I am only getting older and it's going to be harder every year to get things right! I have no motivation is my problem! I see other skinny girls and for that moment I have motivation like we all do but once they are gone it's gone. Trav doesn't help because he of course thinks I'm beautiful no matter what Blah blah hahaha but isn't that what he's suppose to say?! Would I really want him to be like 'look babe, I think you need to lose some weight' ? No, absolutely not haha. It's a ever losing battle for him:) yes I've had twins, yes I look great considering that, but how long is that going to get me by, really?! That's not okay anymore. It was so easy when we were separated because I was stressed out, lived off crackers and peanut butter it seemed and worked out everyday because I was thrown back into that ocean of single hot girls surrounding me....at the beach on top of it all!!
Ugh! I just need to change my thinking, they say it all starts in your head. They say you can think your way to something. I need to seriously buckle down and get on top of my health and body. Not just for vain reasons but to make sure I'm healthy and in shape for these so very active boys. I just thought it would all fall off after having them and in all honesty it really did, I'm at my pre pregnancy weight but that is still 10lbs more than where I was when we were apart. Don't laugh! Yes I'm only talking about losing 10lbs, oh you think that should be a piece of cake?! Well actually it's that piece of cake that keeps me from it!!! It's just a personal thing, nobody else can do it for me although it was much easier to drop it when I was trying to look good for someone new, go ahead and say it 'ain't that the truth'. Yes, yes it is the truth! I want to be the hot wife, the hot mom. I want Travis to be like 'wow! Yea! She's mine' and never ever feel like I've just let myself go because I am married and a mother. So not because it's a new year but because umm summer is right around the corner and this year I refuse to not be in a bathing suit, I really truly want to work on myself. I just need to find the way that works for me. A lot of prayer and begging God to change my appetite and give me energy and the motivation to do this is what's on my agenda every day for now on! And if your reading this hold me accountable!!!!! Everyone needs to do something to better themselves but if all we ever do is say your fine just like you are then we never change. So umm here's to changing how I think about myself! To getting healthy! Not just for me but for others around me! Thanks for your encouragement in advance :)
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