We are at the lowest place financially we've ever been at. All joking aside we have never struggled this much since we've been married. It has been extremely hard more so for me than Travis, as a woman I worry about how things are going to get paid and trying to give my children everything they need. We haven't been able to afford to buy anything out of want since we had the boys. It has been strictly necessities. I don't go shopping for myself, I don't go out and have dinner with friends, I can't at this season in our life. Even though I worry I still know that God will and always comes through, I also know that we need a financial miracle and only He can do that. Going from two incomes and no children to one income and two children at one time to raise has been harder financially than physically or emotionally. Most people get to ease I to the transition of starting a family. Even with that I know God didn't give us two babies and then not going to take care of them. So I know it's coming, I have to keep believing it's coming because otherwise I get so overwhelmed and down about what's going to happen that it can really take toll on me.
It's coming.
Our breakthrough.
Three Sundays ago Pastor Jimmy preached on how to get your breakthrough. Not only did he preach that but everybody knows I watch Biship Jakes every Sunday night as well and he has been preaching on Worship lately, what has caught my attention is the difference between Praise & Worship. Worship is what you do even if He never gives you another thing, even if your sick, even if your mad. You worship Him for who He is and not what He has done for you. Praise is what you do for what He has done for you. Your thanking Him for everything He has done for you, saved you from, blessed you with, healed you of, delivered you from. I think once I fully understand this and put it to work which I'm trying to do now then our breakthrough will come at its fullest! I've always daily praised God but I've not gotten to that Holy Place when worshipping Him.
For those of you who think your suppose to be poor and struggle your whole life in order to be a good Christian well that's your opinion on it and you can choose that life but I know I serve a God who is capable of doing anything, things my mind can't even fathom. So with that no I don't think I'm suppose to be poor and barely make it by. Life is easier when you can pay your bills without figuring out which ones are the most important and need to be paid first. The way I feel about money is the opposite of the world, when we get our breakthrough I know we will be less self centered people, why? Because instead of burying our heads trying to figure out our bills we will finally have ours taken care of and can help pay someone else's. That's my goal!! I want to be that person who calls the electric company and just pays people's bills who have been struggling. How am I going to bless someone when I can't take care of my own? Not only that but when I'm no longer worrying about how were going to survive I can then give and take my children places and make memories I can't at this moment! That's why it's a desire of mine to prosper financially. Not so I can go blow money and have what I want but for real reasons.
I had to say all that to tell you that the Monday after Pastor Jimmy's sermon I booked my first wedding for 2015!! That Tuesday Travis got a $2.50 raise which helps but still isn't going to change things, I know that was just God giving us a glimpse of what's to come. I believe that was Him just letting me know I'm not talking to the sky, that He hears my pleas and that He will bring us through this dry place! So I want to give Him the praise and honor for those things!!!
One more thing is I've been dealing with fear the past few weeks when it comes to night time. I've dealt with fear on and off my whole life, phases where I would literally be terrified to sleep alone, be alone at night. Then it just goes away and I lived on my own, can go grocery shopping at night and it wasn't a problem at all. Well it had started to come back and I wouldn't sleep because I was so scared someone might break in or something terrible. I would make Travis get up in the middle of the night and turn on lights because I would hear a noise and my heart would beat so fast I thought it would jump out my chest. Id rather sleep in the living room than my bedroom because I felt like I was safer because I could hear better, it had gotten out of control again.
I know fear isn't of God but the devil, and I know to pray, sing whatever it may be to feel at ease and make Satan flee from my thoughts. I did those things but it wasn't helping, so last Sunday night Pastor was praying for BCRC guys and that they would sleep and I was praying for them as well even though I wasn't sleeping. While I was praying I could see my house from a bird view and I could see a hand with a white robe sleeve hanging and it was pouring blood all over my house, next came a hedge all around it like actually bushes, and lastly I saw angels that circled outside of the hedge the whole way around my house.
I want you to know I slept so good that night and since. So I just wanted to share what God has been doing for us and myself.
I also want to throw in that I think Elijah's seizure spiritually was just an attack of the devil because. God had blessed us just days before. But I know my children are covered by His blood and He will always watch over them.
I hope this encourages someone, I know I needed to tell of these things and I'm not going to just stand up in service and have everyone staring at me so thanks for reading this book haha :)
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