Our 'Dark Place

If you were to ask me when our dark place was or if we had ever gone through one I would have told you it was while we were separated in 2011. Obviously rekindling our love and bringing our two baby boys into the world would not be considered a dark place. However underneath it all we have been in a dark place for a few years now in different ways. This past Sundays sermon from Bishop Jake's was on transformative THINKING, renewing of your mind. Another great sermon on learning how to transform yourself this year, starting with your head, mind. The part that stood out to me the most was when he started talking about the dark place. In order to find your purpose and get to your destiny he said you must go through a dark place. It may be emotionally, financially, physically, or all the above. But your dark place isn't to keep you from something its to get you ready for whatever it is He has planned for you. He referred back to the seed in the core of an apple, just like you have to plant a seed down in the soil where it is dark for it to germinate God has to plant us, not bury us, but plant us sometimes so we can go through things that are going to get us to our destiny. I probably don't explain it very well but it makes great sense in my head.

I've been thinking about it a lot this week, I've watched the sermon everyday trying to catch something else each time. I would have naturally thought that our time apart was my/our dark place and yes it was but I also believe it has been the entire time we've been married including now. Before you go thinking we are having problems and saying things I in no way mean it in that context. However I do mean it has never been a walk in the park for us financially, emotionally, career wise, dream wise, in every aspect of it we have always struggled. More so in this very moment than ever before. I never thought I would be a stay at home mother, I LOVE working and being in the public, however when kids come along you think you can do it all but you really cant. It's pretty much one or the other. So with one income we have never struggled so much, children change it all but what we should have been doing all along was saving and thinking ahead and being young (well me, hes kinda old hahaha) but we weren't and now we are paying for that. Trying to buy a home for our family to grow in and finally be stable has been a struggle, searching for my purpose has been a struggle, searching for his as well. What I am trying to say is that I feel like all this time has been our 'dark place' and yes I am the worst worrier and I stress out ALL THE TIME. God always has our backs though, He always makes a way and I really think He must have something so great for us in store and this is our testing, process, strengthening, building season. Right now is the lowest of lows we have EVER experienced so it must be so close. Bishop always says the harder your struggle the closer to your blessing you are. Not to drown in the shallow water, meaning you've already been through the deep, the storm now that you are almost there (shallow water) don't give up. Last night our speaker first said "Never ever ever ever give up" so I am not giving up, even though some days I could sit and cry because of it all but I am holding on.

So if you are actually reading my blogs let me throw this out there. With all do respect of course. I like to be honest in my writing, I don't like to act as if I have it all figured out and we are in need of nothing. I am real. Always have been. Always will be. With that being said YOU whoever YOU are reading this have your own struggles in life and that makes you no different than myself, so I hope your never negative about anything I ever write or take things out of context. Because we all have struggles. I just choose to be honest and real about mine. For those of you who support me in all I do. I LOVE YOU guys! Continue to pray for us, were young but old enough now that its time things start really falling into place for us. Love y'all and thank you for finding me interesting. If nothing else I just hope my truths can be a help to someone else.