Waiting for Clayton.

Ya know as I sit here I think about how it felt standing in line for hours and hours to see TD Jakes in Charlotte a few years ago. I was so excited to finally see him in person and sit under his anointing. We stood in the freezing cold rain for at least 4 hours that day after driving 4 hours to get there that morning. 

When the line finally started moving and we got closer and closer to the door my anticipation was growing and growing. What kind of Word was he going to have for me that night. What if I got to meet him, what if he called me out with a Word. What was I going to walk away from there with? We were almost to the door, it was in sight and they said it was full. They motioned us and hundreds more over to the overflow rooms. I was so upset  and angry, all those people lived there or went to that church and got to see all those people whenever they wanted to, ya know?! I just didn't think it was fair at all! I could have stayed home in the warm coziness I call home and streamed online, if I would have known I'd be sitting in a empty building looking at a projection screen. 

On the way home I was still furious but my mom said something that I still think about today. She said something along the lines of "it's not about TD Jakes". She was right, I think God was showing me that I was starting to idolize Bishop, I was listening to him every time he was on something, I was getting fed more than ever but I was starting to focus too much on who was talking instead of what was being said. So I learned a valuable lesson that night. 

Well I learned more than one lesson haha I learned to be Insanely early to something that you want to do! That is why I am here oh 3 hours early today. I want to be close to the front and I don't want to be last anymore. So call me crazy I don't care. But this time around I'm not here to idolize Clayton, I'm not here because he's attractive, ( we all know he is don't lie) I'm here to support someone who is my age preaching the Gospel. I'm here to encourage someone who is touching all ages, especially young people. I'm here to hear the truth, not sugar coated, not a feel good message but the truth. I'm here to encourage myself with seeing and hearing what someone my age is capable of and how I could be doing more. I am excited to walk through those doors and see how God shows up tonight, in a different atmosphere than what I'm use to in our church. To sit with other people I know and don't know all in agreement with each other. 

For many it will be about Clayton, for many it will be about hearing the Word, for many it will be because they are curious about who Jesus is, for me it's about being encouraged when I leave to go home tonight. So now I will continue to sit here and wait... Oh another two hours hahaha to get in. But it's worth it. People wait hours to get in to see their favorite music artists, they wait for sports games, they wait in line at Disney, I'm gunna wait in line to hear about Jesus.   

We all feel overlooked sometimes, unnoticed.

Having to wait is the hardest thing to do. It's not easy for most people, it tries you and it usually shows your true character. I do know that there are times in my life when God makes me wait, It happens often. For several reasons He does this, most of the time its because I am not ready for what is next or what I think I can handle if I could just get it. He teaches lessons through waiting, develops our character through waiting, even gives us a different perspective on the thing we are waiting for in the process of waiting. So I know all of that, I'm very wise when it comes to such understandings at this point in my life. Sometimes it makes the wait easier knowing all the above but there are still times when it doesn't make it so easy to sit back and see everyone else doing things when you cant.

You all know by now if you read my blogs that just within the past two years I've really been searching for my purpose in this life, what I was created to do. As we all know that usually isn't just one thing, but several. However there is usually ONE thing that is your 'thing', if you know what I mean. Your ministry, your calling, your gift from God that He has put inside of you to do. For most people I find its a normal, if you will, ministry. You know singing, preaching, praying, teaching, hospitality, greeting, children's worker, some its kitchen related, you get what I am saying. For me though it is none of those. Sure if asked to help somewhere I always will because we are all suppose to be servants, no one is better than the next person. No one ministry is greater than the other, they all go hand in hand for what God created them to be and do. Or they should. Yes we hold our Pastors to a greater standard and honor but they cant fill their role effectively if we all surrounding them aren't doing ours.

My ministry isn't your most obvious so its overlooked almost all the time. The thing that gives me most joy I rarely get to do, in no way do I think its ever intentional, it just happens when its not your normal ministry. My ministry is something a lot of people enjoy doing, maybe even one of their gifts but not their ministry, does that make any sense? Whereas for me its not just something I enjoy but what He has created me to do. My Creator created me to be creative. But that doesn't mean that it still doesn't bother me at times, when I see everyone else doing their ministries and even doing mine. It doesn't make me mad per say, it just makes me feel like I don't get to show out for God like everyone else is. I want to please Him with what He has given me. But if its never noticed or if a lot of people just enjoy doing it so they fill that place then how do I get to glorify Him with my ministry. So I feel like I'm letting Him down, because I'm not doing anything. I don't know about you but for me there is nothing worse than to feel like your letting God down, not doing what He made justice.

I do get to do a very little bit of it when I do my weddings but even that isn't really letting me use all I have in me. It limits me quite a bit, it helps get some of that creativeness out but not enough. I know that this is probably still a time of waiting, waiting for my moment to do what He has given me, I know that I am still seeking His guidance, direction for my life during this time but it can just be a little discouraging at times. When you have so much in you to get out, share and it feels like no one wants to hear or see it. But it is coming, not for my name sake but for His. All I ever do that is looked at to be great is because of Him. Without Him I am nothing, all things come from Him. And all I do I want to go back to Him. So as writing this just now I have encouraged myself to keep waiting, trying not to get frustrated when it seems everyone else is doing what I should be doing when instead I'm feeling overlooked. He will make my way, my time, my opportunities, He will give me my hearts desires, its not for man to do to start with. He knows my heart and my thoughts, He created me to be the person I am so of course He knows how I am feeling. He also knows that I want nothing more than to please Him so that in itself is pleasing to Him. He is my Father, and Fathers want to give their child what they ask and long for if its in their best interest.

So Lord I thank you for the opportunities you are going to give, I thank you for my gifts and ministry even if it doesn't make sense to others. I thank you for speaking to me the things that are going to come to pass and the ones that already have, for You know the plans You have for me, even before I was in my mothers womb. I will trust You and I will wait with a cheerful heart. I will remind myself of this when it seems no one is paying me any attention and everyone else is busy. I will still thank you.

Well y'all, I think I needed to write this for myself, sometimes you need to encourage yourself when no one else will. Maybe this will encourage one of you as much as it did me just now.