Two thousand twelve is gone...

A lot has happened in the past 12 months. If you would have told me a year ago all these things would happen I would tell you that you must be crazy. Gods plans are far greater than mine ever could be. 2012 was the most exciting year I think I've ever had. Lets recap....

January held a time of praying and solely seeking after God. Actually hearing from Him was amazing to say 'I know, because I heard from God'. In January I was awaiting to finalize my divorce or so I thought. The process continued to drag on till February.

Valentines day was the first I had ever spent single. So I cooked a nice dinner and made peanut butter shaped heart desserts. Little did I know I'd be spending it with a 16 & 17 year old ha. My neighbor and his friend came and ate some food then we sat poolside by the fire. February was the month I was diagnosed and healed of hypothyroid disease which explained my 9 lb weight gain. In the process I stopped my birth control because it was interfering with the thyroid meds. For the first time in over a year Travis and i had gone to lunch together and talked like we weren't waiting for a divorce to finalize. That led to me wanting to spend his birthday with him somehow someway. He agreed to let me take him to dinner, it ended up feeling like the old us in a way.

March 4th God did a miracle. That night at church was the (second) first night of the rest of our lives. Since then we've been together every night. God changed the both of us, our hearts were made new toward each other and stronger than before. It still blows my mind when I think about it. Within the next 7 days baby Thompson was created. The 19th two little pink lines appeared on a stick!!

April 24th after almost 4 hours at the emergency room we had our first ultrasound... That's when we saw two heartbeats! Baby Thompson was now Thompson twins. Wow!! I also moved out of my apartment and moved back in with my husband:)

May brought warmer weather and more ultrasounds!! Exciting.

I felt my babies move for the first time in June!!

The beginning of July we were told we had two little BOYS!! God confirmed the boys names this month as well. I felt hiccups for the first time in the womb this month too. July brought having to move out of his house and with no luck in finding a house we moved in to my mommas for what we thought two months max....

August wasn't a great month. We found out my Mama had cancer out of nowhere, we didn't know it would be the last month she would be coherent. I turned 25 on the 31st, and celebrated with my love in Raleigh. That day we were told she had 3 months to live, what a great birthday right?

September brought a lot. We had our baby shower which was great, a lot of gifts from a lot of great people. My girl friends wedding I was a bridesmaid in at 30 weeks was fun but tiring. Then in a blink of an eye I was rushing to Virginia to say goodbye to my Mama for the last time. The 14th was a sad sad day.

October we started to paint the nursery and finally got the car seats and cribs. Everything was coming together as I was put in the hospital on the 3rd for the entire month. You can read my previous post for how that experience was.

As November came so did my chance to go home... For a week. Then the 14th my two little angels came into this world at 10:07 and 10:23 pm. Following was turkey day and lots of food.

Rolling in before I realized it was December. Not as cold as it should be and more tiring than I could have ever imagined. Christmas didn't feel like Christmas for the mere fact it seemed to come so quick. Our Christmas presents were two bright eyed boys and I couldn't have asked for more. New Year's Eve was nothing like last years!! This year babies were in bed and I was trying to catch some zzz's myself. Before I knew it love and I woke up to the countdown, said happy new year kissed and were knocked out within 5 minutes.

My year in review. Seems like it just flew by, but what a busy busy year. I am so very thankful and blessed beyond measure. 2013 I hope brings a house, a new car big enough for our family and more memories. God is good. Here's to a happy new year!!

December 25!

Merry Christmas:) our first Christmas with the boys was fun and changes your way of thinking. It didn't even matter to me if I got presents this year it wasn't a huge concern of mine. My twins are our Christmas present!! I can't wait till they can be excited about Christmas and open their own gifts. We didn't even have to buy anything they got boxes packed full of clothes, I think 4 toys each and necessities like burp cloths and bibs! We don't even have enough room in their dresser for all the clothes they now own!
Starting next year we will add our own tradition to the yearly routine and that makes me happy, to think my family is complete and I love making all these new memories!

Merry Christmas!

Hot momma or Hot mess??

Body after baby or in my case babies! Lets just say its different. I only gained 32 pounds with my pregnancy and until week 31 I didn't have a single stretch mark!! I was sure that I wasn't going to get any since I had made it that far without any. I also was under the impression I had only 4 weeks left and they would most likely be here so how many more could I possibly get. WELL I got a lot! A lot more than I was intending to have at 25 years old. Each day I could literally feel when my skin was stretching, it would be itchy and almost a burning/ tingling sensation. Then the next day I would look in the mirror prior to my shower and yep, there was a new one. I know that sounds absurd but its the truth. Each day for the next 6 weeks they got worse. It was bad enough I was stuck in the hospital, week after week passed with no babies coming, everyday more uncomfortable than the day before and now stretch marks another thing to make me self conscious the rest of my life.
So here I am almost 5 weeks postpartum and I'm down 23 pounds which makes me very happy but I still have 10 to go to get back to pre-pregnancy weight and then another 9 after that! My goal is 120, that Is my happy weight. Where I feel my best at. I had gained that 9-10 pounds the months before getting pregnant, I like to think of it now as my body getting ready to house two lives before I even knew it.
I didn't know all of the aftermath of lAbor. I wouldn't wish the pain I went thru on my worst enemy, it was pure torture. The tearing and numbness after, the loss of blood, (I loss more than half my blood) blacking out, the 'baby blues' which are horrible, bleeding for weeks. Nobody warns you about any of that. I will never ever ever have another child. I am certain that God gave me a perfect pregnancy because He knew the torture I would experience in the delivery of Chi and Eli.
Because of my 3rd degree tears I am not capable or allowed to exercise till after my six week checkup and I get the go ahead. Granite it's not like I've had a moment to even if I could or the energy and strength to yet but I'm now looking forward to it, it will help my mood and make me feel better about myself which is a must. I will start with walks around the neighborhood and some yoga DVDs that way I can start to tone. Surprisingly to look at my stomach and see the stretch marks doesn't gross me out like I thought. It's not that bad, I mean yes I have quite a few but they are very faint for the most part. But here's my philosophy on it now, I can deal with them for the fact I gave life to TWO human beings and I am okay with that as long as my tummy is flat or close to it!! And with a little self tanner anything can be camouflaged to a degree.
I've come to terms (most dAys) with knowing my body will never look or be the same as pre pregnancy but I can still have a nice body and feel good about myself but it will just be different now. I intend to still wear a bikini by April, not to mention I'm not trying to impress some young guys or vain guys anymore. I'm now impressing my husband and he still thinks I'm gorgeous I'm sure more now for having his babies than before. Then being healthy for my boys is my priority. Having a child changes you both mentally, emotionally and physically (inside and out). I'm going to find that happy median, where I'm happy with myself and then I can be a better wife and mommy.

Happy One Month!!

Wow!! My boys are ONE WHOLE MONTH already!! How crazy is that, I think with the lack of sleep its a slight blur. It doesn't feel like it was a month ago I pushed them out into this gigantic world. Maybe because I'm still healing myself so I feel like it was a little more like yesterday.

I must say again that this month has been very trying, exciting, tiring, fun, exhausting and all the above!! My love and I have grown closer with maybe two outburst from being over tired. We really do work well together. It has surprised me. I always had a fear of having kids and having to do everything myself, only because I've rarely seen dads who help the mother. I'm blessed though, my man does at least half of everything. Not just because we have twins either. I'm positive if we had only one that we would be fighting over who gets to hold the baby. So I guess God really does know what He's doing.

So lets talk milestones!!

Starting yesterday the boys make eye contact with you now especially while feeding. Before they were just all over the place looking towards every sound. Now the feeling you get when you realize for the first time he is looking right at you, is amazing. Realizing he now knows who you are, the bond is only starting. It melts your heart, I didn't think it would be a big deal 'yea so they can see' but oh my goodness was I wrong. I can't even describe it. I've been trying since last night to find words for the feeling it gives you and there isn't any beside love the word that can't be described!!
Not only are they now starring at me but they have been cooing and being very vocal for over a week now. Sometimes when you give them a paci they go to town with what sounds like their own little prayer language. It makes me smile every time.

Next holding their heads up!! They have been lifting their heads literally since week two. Not just it rolling around I mean actually having some control over it. Since then they are now holding it up for quite a few seconds and looking all over the place. So I do believe they are beyond your typical just average baby at this age. My boys are going to be strong and blessed beyond measure. They will be greater than average because they are called by The Lord.

So one month down and with some insanity I am still not in a half way house!!! I think that says a lot! Though it is tough I can do this!! :)

Happy one month birthday Malachi &Elijah!!! Mommy loves you more today than even the day you entered the world.

First night out

Stepped out alone for the first time tonight. It was different I must say. I hadn't reAlly realized it till tonight but being consumed in babies and being a mommy it's easy to lose your identity. It felt good to get out of sweats and a tank top, lose the sloppy bun, smell perfume rather than formula. I don't mean it in a bad way at all but overnight you go from young, free, pick up and go at the drop of a hat to taking an hour just to get two diapers changed, two outfits on, two tummys full, and in their car seats. Then your down to two hours before your feeding again. Needless to say we were always late before babies and well now we will always be late for sure. Then before you know it your just mommy. You forget what it felt like before these precious lives were your first priority. The funny part is when you notice someone looking at you and you now think hello don't look at me like that not only am I taken but Do you not know I have two babies. Hahaa

It is a must to have date nights and just lunch or run to the store alone. To make sure you still feel good, and be in the general population. To feel like the hot thing you are :)

So thank you to my husband for taking care of the boys so I could feel like a young, pretty, still fun person again.

Not the 'C' word...

Colicky baby?? Tell me it isn't so!! Not just one but two! Now I dare you to try and get sympathy from me because your ONE baby is fussy, just go sit down now. I have searched and searched, read everything there is to read and it seems Chi and Eli show symptoms of colic. Oh are you serious?

They scream when having a bowel movement, very gassy, and just seem to scream at night before bed for no apparent reason. Diapers clean, not hungry, just woke up to eat so there not tired, all your typical discomforts are not the reasons. We rock them, walk with them, try the swing, bouncer, everything we know to do. Thank God though for the most part they don't scream at the same time usually it's one baby one night and the other the next. In that I am thankful.

I have to be honest it's very trying to have a screaming baby and not be able to do anything about it. It takes a lot of patience on you and your spouses part with the baby and each other. So far we have not bit each others heads off or the twins. So do me a favor PRAY for us!! All four of us!!

More than a full time job

This is the hardest thing I've had to do, raising to babies is extremely tough work. I'm trying to see what God must see in me that He knew I could handle two at once. But I'm not seeing it yet. I'm so exhausted, not to mention my body is still healing from the damage they did. I don't even have energy to do anything around the house from being up down wide awake all day and all night, literally all night. They seem to be so restless at night, you can rock em, pat em, walk with em, bounce em put them in the swing and they still fussing. Then by the time they f quit resisting sleep an hour or two have gone by and then the other one is awake and ready to eat or peed thru his diaper and is crying.
It never stops. Then when I get flustered because nothing consoles them I get upset because I'm so tired and just want to close my eyes. Then I feel horrible for being frustrated because its not like they know what their doing, their helpless little beings that I created and carried and brought into this world and how could you be frustrated when you look into those big dark grey/ blue eyes. It's such a roller coaster of feelings everyday!
I would just like to escape for one whole day and sleep in a pitch dark room somewhere and not be disturbed. Sad part is its only been three weeks, I have another lifetime of lack of sleep:( I just feel like if I could refuel I'd be a better person in general and physically my body would feel better.