Lets Chat!!

It has been way too long since I have sat down to write here. 2016 has proven to be a year of open doors in many ways. I was feeling like it was going to be a year of big things and of change. However some of the changes I was not expecting, but then again most change is unexpected. The statements that say things like "the greater the struggle, the greater the reward", "when opposition is strongest, you are closest to your victory" definitely were put into play in January and February. God didn't waste any time making changes in our lives. To be completely honest even though I would have never expected what happened to happen, I still knew in my spirit at the time, that because it was "out of nowhere" opposition that it was meant to take us to a new season.

I am a VERY firm believer that God will ruffle your feathers and challenge your comfort in order to push you out of the place you have been. He has to in order to get your attention to start thinking outside of where you have been, otherwise if your always comfortable and get too content you stay in the same place and can miss your purpose. So that He did. We were hurt by some people who we had thought highly of for many years and slightly dumbfounded at what was unfolding before us. But in the middle of it all we started to feel a nudging to a new place to worship. Everyone and everything that we heard and would see all kept pointing to the same place. So on February 28th, Travis' birthday we had our last worship service in a place we knew as home for 16 years and it was the start of our new season of trusting and listening to God for direction. The first Sunday in March we said hello to our new place of Worship. While it is very different in a lot of ways for us and challenged our thinking about some things, it has made us, well me for sure question God if in fact this is where we are suppose to be. Every time He always finds a way to say yes it is. He has given us little glimpse of what our purpose is there and what will come. I find that the enemy has tried very hard (and at times almost won) with convincing me that I am not in the right place. That its not enough for me, that there still is somewhere else out there that will meet all these things in my mind that I need out of church. But then God steps in and shows me that if I stay put it all is coming soon. To hold on, if I can hold on it will happen, it will be what I need. So that is was I am doing, trusting His timing. After all He is the one who created me, I think He knows what I need and how long I can wait to get it.

Jump ahead to May and we got to mark off the only major thing on our Vision Board. I like to look back on things in my life and really see how God brought things together and made things happen. So as I look back at the day we looked at our house, yes I said HOUSE, it always amazes me. That day I went to my best friends parents house to have a play date, but not just any ordinary play date. This was the first time in 9 years I had been over there to visit. My best friend who rarely even comes down this way just happened to actually come and so we got to talking and by the end of the night (9pm Saturday night) his momma had shown me our house. By 12am she had put our offer in and by 3:05pm Sunday they had accepted!! So if you cant already see what I'm saying, God can move immediately. He is a suddenly God sometimes and within a 24 hour period we had looked at, offered on, and had it accepted! I know its not a huge deal to most but to know how random and RARE that whole day was I know it had to happen just like it did. He had that planned out before I even thought about going over there. Matter of fact one night after we had closed on our house and I was driving back after picking up the boys from their grandmothers, I decided to take the long way which I NEVER take because it literally is out of my way now. But I did, and the long way takes my by the road I lived down when we were separated in 2011. As I passed by that road I know God spoke to me and said "Even then while you were here I was planning out there". "There " being my now home. I can confidently say it was God speaking because I am that person who will question until I've talked myself out of it and this time I couldn't. It wouldn't leave. Even at my darkest like my arm says He still loved me. He still was planning out my future that was greater than I could have ever imagined at that time. When I was thinking there was no future with my husband He was setting up our home we would lay our children's heads down. He never ceases to amaze me.

When I write here, I always have these amazing revelations. I like to think I write to help others but at this very moment I think I write to help myself. When I talk about how good God is in these moments it takes me to a place where I cant help but praise Him. Because I will never deserve what He has given me. But yet He still gives. Even when He has taken things/people from me He still deserves all my praise. Even when things don't go my way, when things happen that I feel aren't fair, He is God and deserves my praise. On my worst day and on my best day He is God. In my valleys and on my mountain tops. In my struggle and in my victory, when I'm feeling unappreciated and unwanted He is still worthy of my praise. I will never cease to praise Him. Its not about what He can do but Who He Is!!! As long as you never forget that you will survive this world.

Wow! See I don't plan my posts, I just sit down and start writing whatever comes to mind. So back to my house its great! I love it! Its got the littlest things I've always wanted like the "craftsman" style trim around the doors and windows. Its got planks on the wall in the dining room, which I was going to have Travis help me do a planked wall. Its got a fireplace in the dinning/kitchen and I was able to put up my custom mantle that is stained to match our farmhouse table. Its perfect, who knew someone could be so excited over a mantle? Our laundry room is so big and not a closet another thing I really wanted. Our living room so roomy now that my amazing man knocked out a wall, raised the floor and relaid flooring down. He impressed me so incredibly much during our little renovation. He is great at everything he does, The only thing I've ever seen him do that wasn't so great is dancing hahahahahaha. Our living room has cedar planks in it that are painted grey like the rest of the living room and so I now have multiple planked walls!!! YAY!! I wanted a rustic beach house and that is what it is becoming one day at a time! I love my teals and corals. Its perfect! Its unique. We wanted unique, we didn't want cookie cutter. My mans gotta 25x25 workshop in the back yard that we call the "barn". Our yard is just enough! Fenced for Buddy and the kids, plenty of space to entertain and just enough that he doesn't hate mowing it. For those of you who don't know us well we are not yard people. I absolutely love it! We are on a dead end, culdasac road, we have only 15 neighbors I think. Its great! I am so so so grateful and amazed at Gods grace and favor He has shown us.

When I stopped comparing our life to others is when I think God let me have what He had for us all along. When I started telling Him out loud daily "God I trust Your timing, Your plan" that's when things began to change. Oh!! The best part is when God has something for you, its yours. No one else can take it! Point being our house had been on the market since at least January, I first looked at it in January online. But because of the wall (that we took down ) dividing the living room in the pictures I just kept skipping over it. I would ride by it even back then and look. I never asked to go see it though because of that one wall! So it was on the market, taken off the market for a few weeks and then put back on the market over those 5 months. The night we decided to look at it finally they had already counter offered with another person so we had to go in quick and with our best. Then like I said hours later they accepted. Now you will never be able to tell me that this house wasn't predestined to be ours. For however long it may be, 5 years, forever who knows. All I know is this was ours from day one and no one can take what God has for you.

So lets go over this one more time before I go to bed! GOD IS GOD. HE IS STILL GOD IN THE GOOD AND IN THE BAD. WHAT HE HAS FOR YOU NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY. IF HE IS FOR YOU THEN WHO CAN BE AGAINST YOU? GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD!!!

 Goodnite ya'll :) Good talk! hahaha

Winter Blues/Struggle is real in the Hood.

I was going to title this post "It's a struggle in the hood" and talk about what I thought was my issues I have a hard time with in Motherhood. But then my great friend said something that made me see it differently and they didn't even know it! 

It gets dark so quick these days that I think it has this overwhelming effect on my mood, emotions, hormones whatever you would like to call it. On the days that I just feel like I could busts it usually starts around 4ish and just escalates from there. It's like everything big or small just takes me on this roller coaster and my poor husband has to walk into it and deal with it for the next few hours till I can get it under control with praise and prayer. Thankfully his lack of emotion from being a Thompson makes him able to continue to be married to me and not go on the roller coaster ride with me. He just lets me get it all out and then goes on doing his thing. It's the most aggravating and amazing thing that he can be like that. To not let things effect him, meanwhile I'm almost in tears over something as simple as the laundry not being put up. 

Maybe it's part of my personality type and other people feel and do this same thing. It usually starts with the house looking like a category 5 hurricane came blowing through up lifting every toy in a 10 mile radius and dropping them all back on my floors. The clothes that get washed and dried but then sit in the clothes baskets for days on end till we wear them again, meanwhile almost everyday the boys find it necessary to play with the same clothes baskets and dumping them out wherever they please. By the third or fourth day of them dumping them out, well now its time to wash them again with the crumbs, dirt and dog hair I assume they've gotten on them. So add another three loads of laundry to the list. The dishwasher is a very handy thing to have unless your like us and the clean dishes just sit in there (like the clothes in the clothes baskets) until they are basically all used and the dirty dishes are piled on the counter beside the sink. The boys love to help unload it which is great when we actually do. Vacuuming is a battle, close to world war 3 in our house. Elijah thinks that he should be the one to vacuum the whole house. Yes that sounds like a win, but not at three years old and when after 20 minutes of him going over the same few spots you have to redo it all while he's screaming and in the way wanting to do it himself still. So it's not a battle I choose often. Thank God for the dog when it comes to the big crumbs. But don't let Chi play with Buddy too much while he's cleaning up those crumbs because then he's breaking out, itching, eyes are swelling from his dog allergy. Though they say keep the dog in hopes it helps him become immune to them. Now it's dinner time and I usually cook, but there is no family sit down dinner. It's eat while you can, when you can, most the times the boys don't eat. Which means I feel like they are going to starve to death in their sleep, or now they know how to get out of going to sleep they just say "I hungry" at midnight and I feel like it's neglect if I tell them no, so I go find something to make them so they can hopefully sleep through the night with a fully tummy. But at 4am they are coming to our bed and I'm going to the couch ohh, 3-4 times a week. Things like our house still looking like we just moved in because we can't make it reflect us really really gets to me, especially when I have these creative urges to go finally have a 'grownup' bedroom, but instead looks like Laundry Mat with a mattress in it. 

And that is just the things that overwhelm me inside our house.. 

On the outside of our home is a whole other story! 

So we have to resign a year lease in February, which is fine. BUT I want my own house soooooooooooo did I say so? So bad! It's been 7 longs years in places that weren't ours. Never really being able to make it our own because we either were moving in 12 months or just wasn't allowed to do anything inside. Meanwhile everybody else around us younger and older are all buying, have bought, have bought -sold- and re bought houses and we're still out here renting. I just don't understand why it's never been our time. We have looked for 4 years now and have even put in offers at times and nothing ever works out. I definitely don't want to get ahead of Gods plan but I just wish I knew why it never works for us. I walked into a house Monday that was absolutely everything I dream of. The outside, inside, even the decor these people had was my dream house. So now I'm like 'really God? You trying to be funny?' But on the same note I'm thinking 'are you trying to show me what I could have? Maybe what You have for us... When the time is right?  So I get so upset and stressed out when seeing everyone else buying homes or decorating their homes and the excitement they have doing so. 

MOMMY GUILT!! 

It's a huge one, from day one, probably for the rest of my life! I always have it when I do something without the boys and without Travis. I ultimately feel like I shouldn't be out and enjoying myself while they are at home or elsewhere. Maybe once every two weeks I go out to dinner and a book store or something with my very good friend and I just wish it could last longer than a few hours. Like I need a six straight hour getaway every week. It is so incredibly refreshing for me. But then before actually leaving to go I always feel like it's selfish, I don't need to leave, I don't deserve the outing, I have to much to do at home... Goes on and on. What I'd really really really like is two of those six hour straight days, one with each of my Bestfriends. 

( the third bestfriend is out of commission for the next 6 months with babies, haha)  

I hate the word escape because my life is so beautiful I wouldn't ever want to escape from my husband and babies but just some time to not have to be responsible, just relax and enjoy the moment. Talking about things that only they can understand, without having to worry about a care in the world. I get to breathe and then go back in and be a better mother and wife. It's just that initial making the plan and finding the time. I think maybe I should just make it a set schedule every week same time. 

All these things just build up and build up on me around the time it starts to get dark out. Which is so weird, but that's when it happens. Financial issues, plus those stresses really gets me in bad shape. The only way.... (after I've dwelled in my little pity party and running away to breathe isn't an option...) I start to realize the only way out of it is to Praise God for all that I do have, have accomplished, His mercy, Grace, Forgiveness. For every bad day that's there's someone who has it worse, that in fact I don't have it bad at all. He is my provision, His plan is greater than mine as is His timing. I just can't understand why He can't put me in my dream house already! But He knows and that's where my faith has got to just trust and follow. So that's what I do. Ask for forgiveness after these melt downs and pick myself back up and thank Him and keep going! 

I do believe the darkness has a huge part in my moods though, might sound crazy, but it does. I'm always good throughout the day, I just wish it was light out till 8-9pm like in July, all year round. I'm a happier person in the spring and summer months. Well I'm sure some of you other mommas out there can relate. I know I'm not alone, I'm usually just one of the few who will admit these feelings and things. I can't act like I got it all together, my life isn't organized and yours isn't either. Now trying to find this time for my best friends birthday this weekend... The guilt has already set in. Hahaha so see the struggle is real in the hood:) and the Winter Blues have got me!